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Famous People » dave barry

Dave Barry

  • 'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.
    Dave Barry
  • Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
    Dave Barry
  • American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.
    Dave Barry
  • And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West.
    Dave Barry
  • As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.
    Dave Barry
  • Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.
    Dave Barry
  • Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.
    Dave Barry
  • Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.
    Dave Barry
  • Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
    Dave Barry
  • Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
    Dave Barry
  • Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!
    Dave Barry
  • Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
    Dave Barry
  • Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.
    Dave Barry
  • Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
    Dave Barry
  • For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.
    Dave Barry
  • Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.
    Dave Barry
  • Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
    Dave Barry
  • Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.
    Dave Barry
  • Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?
    Dave Barry
  • Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.
    Dave Barry

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