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Famous People » dave barry

Dave Barry

  • Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
    Dave Barry
  • Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.
    Dave Barry
  • Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
    Dave Barry
  • Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
    Dave Barry
  • Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
    Dave Barry
  • People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
    Dave Barry
  • Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.
    Dave Barry
  • Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.
    Dave Barry
  • Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.
    Dave Barry
  • Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
    Dave Barry
  • Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
    Dave Barry
  • The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.
    Dave Barry
  • The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
    Dave Barry
  • The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.
    Dave Barry
  • The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
    Dave Barry
  • The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
    Dave Barry
  • The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
    Dave Barry
  • The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.
    Dave Barry
  • The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
    Dave Barry
  • The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.
    Dave Barry

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