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Famous People » rodney dangerfield

Rodney Dangerfield

  • My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
    Rodney Dangerfield
  • My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
    Rodney Dangerfield
  • My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
    Rodney Dangerfield
  • On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
    Rodney Dangerfield
  • One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
    Rodney Dangerfield
  • Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
    Rodney Dangerfield
  • The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
    Rodney Dangerfield
  • This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
    Rodney Dangerfield
  • We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
    Rodney Dangerfield
  • What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
    Rodney Dangerfield
  • What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
    Rodney Dangerfield
  • When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
    Rodney Dangerfield
  • When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
    Rodney Dangerfield
  • When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
    Rodney Dangerfield
  • With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
    Rodney Dangerfield
  • With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
    Rodney Dangerfield
  • Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
    Rodney Dangerfield

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