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Famous People » henny youngman

Henny Youngman

  • My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
    Henny Youngman
  • My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.
    Henny Youngman
  • My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!
    Henny Youngman
  • My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
    Henny Youngman
  • She has a wash and wear bridal gown.
    Henny Youngman
  • She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
    Henny Youngman
  • She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
    Henny Youngman
  • Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
    Henny Youngman
  • Take my wife... Please!
    Henny Youngman
  • That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
    Henny Youngman
  • The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
    Henny Youngman
  • The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
    Henny Youngman
  • There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
    Henny Youngman
  • This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
    Henny Youngman
  • This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
    Henny Youngman
  • This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
    Henny Youngman
  • Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
    Henny Youngman
  • What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
    Henny Youngman
  • When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
    Henny Youngman
  • When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
    Henny Youngman

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