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Famous People » phyllis diller

Phyllis Diller

  • A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
    Phyllis Diller
  • A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
    Phyllis Diller
  • Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.
    Phyllis Diller
  • Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
    Phyllis Diller
  • Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
    Phyllis Diller
  • Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
    Phyllis Diller
  • Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
    Phyllis Diller
  • Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
    Phyllis Diller
  • His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
    Phyllis Diller
  • Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
    Phyllis Diller
  • I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
    Phyllis Diller
  • I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
    Phyllis Diller
  • I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
    Phyllis Diller
  • I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
    Phyllis Diller
  • I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.
    Phyllis Diller
  • I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
    Phyllis Diller
  • If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
    Phyllis Diller
  • It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
    Phyllis Diller
  • Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
    Phyllis Diller
  • My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
    Phyllis Diller

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